One of the things that we make a mistake about is feeling like we have to control everything.
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Julia Carmen (00:06):
Hola, beautiful beings. Welcome to a new episode of the Indigenous Wisdom Podcast. Today, I'm excited to be joined in conversation by someone I love dearly, not only for her incredible journey, but because she's my niece. That's Lisa Hernandez. She'll be joining me today for an incredibly intimate conversation where we talk about her life's path, her relationship with her father, achieving reconciliation through gratitude, trauma, and choice, and walking the path of healing. This is really a powerful conversation, and I hope some of Lisa's wisdom today will resonate with you.
A brief note before we jump into today's episode, my conversation with Lisa touches on some difficult topics, including trauma and domestic violence. If these themes may be difficult for you, please listen with care, or come back next week for our next episode of the Indigenous Wisdom Podcast.
Julia Carmen (01:33):
Well, hello everyone. Today I have someone on the indigenous wisdom that I'm so frigging happy and joyful, and the word peaceful comes up for me when I think of her, and I've known her all her life and she's known me all her life. And that is my niece, Lisa Hernandez. And I'm just going to bring Ms. Lisa on, and then we're going to talk story about all kinds of things. So well, before we have you come on, Lisa, I do this all the time. I go, oh, yeah, we're going to do this. And then I go over here. But one of the big things that I admire about my niece who's only what, just about a decade younger than I, so she's not that much younger, but she is younger. But is this part in her path of what we call forgiveness and where does it start and family and business and life itself. So Lisa, why don't you come on and introduce yourself and let us all know who you be.
Lisa Hernandez (02:36):
Thank you so much for having me on your show. It's an honor for me. We don't get too much to talking sometimes, but then it's like spiritually, we're there with each other, and you always, in my mind, and I guess I've been in your mind too, but I really appreciate and what you're doing. And so anyways, it helped me get to where I am now, whereas right now, well, again, I better say my name, Lisa. Lisa Hernandez. I am your niece on the paternal side. My dad was your brother, oldest brother. And where I'm at now in the world, as you guys say in the world, I've been back and forth going from northern California to Southern California for the past three years. No, can you believe it? Three years.
(03:41)
So what I've been doing is I've been doing trust administration, so I'm the trustee for both my dad and my mom's trust. So I've been taking care of that and organizing and putting all that together. And before this happened, I was actually working on being a screenwriter, and I was taking courses, and then it stopped because I always have, in my mind, since I was a kid, I always want to do movies. But now with Netflix, now I'm thinking, oh, I could do a series. So I've been learning that, but I've had to put that now on hold for the last three years because I'm doing important. I like to say important filial work. My mom hated that word. She goes, no, no, no. And I said, no, it's my al duty. I've been brainwashed since childhood that I'm the oldest and it's my responsibility to take care of everything.
(04:38)
So I feel honored actually to be able to do all that for my parents. So I'm doing that, and I still have this current passion of, I have a nonprofit also. It's a creator reuse. And so when the pandemic hit, luckily God was watching out or everybody was watching out for us. So what happened was in 20 19, 2 months before the pandemic, one of my board members, he was selling a house. And I said, oh, what can I see it? And so he said, right then and there, if you want it, let's make a deal. Let's do it. So I qualified, yeah, I for VA loan because I'm also a veteran, and I get disability for traumas that I went through there. But anyways, I always look at things as something negative, but then I flip it to a positive. So because I have went through a lot of stuff in the military and in my childhood, I flip it because now I recognize as a disabled veteran and I get full compensation because my service.
(06:00)
Anyway, so that was a huge blessing. So then I was able to qualify for a home, and we got the house. And so we closed the shop right before the pandemic. We would've had to close the shop right away during the pandemic. So we were so blessed. I mean, the spirits were watching out for us. And so we got the house, and when we're settling in, then of course this new assignment, I like to say, assignment or mission came up. And so I've been living up here longer than I have in my new house than
Julia Carmen (06:36):
Oh, really?
Lisa Hernandez (06:37):
Yeah, because we only had the house since 2019, and actually 2020 because then I ended up coming up here in 2021, and I've been here back and forth, but mostly up here in northern California for the past almost three years. So that's where I've been at. But one of the things that I wanted to do is to, the next phase for the nonprofit is to go to each of the different other nonprofit creative review centers and start a YouTube channel interviewing them. And so it's worked out perfect because I've been learning about Zoom and now your studio learning about all these different little things, and I'm learning about PowerPoint, and I've done some testimonials keeping busy. So I'm learning all this. So I know that this delay is because I need to learn more so that I can do the other stuff later. Just right now it's on hold.
Julia Carmen (07:45):
Hey, Lisa, what's the reusable? The
Lisa Hernandez (07:50):
Creative reuse?
Julia Carmen (07:51):
Yeah, creative reuse. Yeah. What is that?
Lisa Hernandez (07:54):
Okay. Well, believe it or not, this would've been my dad's dream because it's taking all the things that nobody else wants, which is like, that is too good for the trash. And so all those cards that you get from when you donate to different causes, you know how they send you all those cards, stamps, and then there's wine corks and bottle tops, and oh, those are just little things, but all these things get thrown away lots of times. But they could be creatively reused for arts and crafts projects, and especially now with the eco environmental stuff. So it was perfect timing. So we opened the first creative produce shop in Southern California. And so I get that pioneering or that, I dunno, from my dad being the first to do this, being the first to do that. So believe it or not, a lot of people didn't think it was going to be successful.
(08:57)
And it turned out, I mean, we were doing it for 12 years, we would've been doing it longer, but with the pandemic and then also with my health. But it's all those things that people throw away that we collect and we're nonprofits. So I turned it into that so that we can get even more better donations. And we get big donations from, you heard of the aircraft company, Gulfstream. They make the fancy. Okay. So we were selected as one of the places that they donate a lot of their samples that they use to show people when they customize the airplanes. So they're huge donor. And they would do fancy really good stuff like leather samples and wood samples and a lot of samples, but beautiful stuff. I mean, this is really high grade, but we would sell it for like 25 cents so that teachers and artists can afford to purchase these things. So that's what the creative reuse was.
Julia Carmen (10:04):
Cool. I've never really been able to get the wording down, but Oh, creative
Lisa Hernandez (10:14):
Reuse. So just basic, the tagline that I use I guess is it's environmental education plus art equals creative reuse and upcycling.
Julia Carmen (10:31):
Okay, got it. Okay, that sounds great. You mentioned your dad, which happens to be my brother. Can you share with your folks, with the folks out there, I mean, I know that they have, especially my brother, he's long passed, but your mom just recently passed, and can you share a little bit about who they were, like your dad and your mom and your life with them? You can go as much detail and as little detail as you'd like, but it sounds like you're going to be talking story about them. So let's find out who they be.
Lisa Hernandez (11:11):
Well, of course, my dad was larger than life and a character. I actually did a recent testimony on him, iHeart dads. And it was a testimony about how I was able to reconcile and just reconcile with my dad. And the biggest thing that I learned was that by reconciling, I did it through being grateful. And so one of the things that why we hate people or why we get angry with them or hold onto this anger is because it's not so much as forgiving. It's really actually reconciling with not only the way they acted, but how it affected you. So the one thing that I was able to do is with my grandmother, you remember my bacha, my mom's mother?
Julia Carmen (12:15):
Oh, yes.
Lisa Hernandez (12:15):
Yeah. She was highly spiritual. She was a teacher of this teaching, which is foreign from Japan, but she was a teacher and it was basically no, yet is the home of infinite life and power. So you learn the law by which the material world and physical life are brought into manifestation. So it's like truth, love, and life. So for instance, truth manifests itself into life acts as a divine love. Love is the manifestation of truth. So truth, life and love are the trinity in the home of infinite life and power. So as a child of God, God is loved and love heals all.
(13:11)
I always like that about it. And so one of the things that I went through with my dad, which by the way, like I said, he was larger than life and he did have a good heart. But one of the things that was difficult for him is that my parents got married young. So that was something. And of course the environment that my dad grew up in was not very positive. So lots of times the environment you grow up in, it's like you grow up that thinking that that's the way life is, because you always put your parents high up. They know what they're doing. I have to follow what they say, do what they say, and this is the way life is. And then after a while, you just get comfortable in that way. You get sort of brainwashed. So my dad didn't know any better and he just thought, well, you act up, you beat the hell out of your kids or whatever, because that's what grandpa did. So he grew up in that environment. So the chain reaction. So we had hoped that with my brothers, that would stop with them. But of course it did change. But not in that way, but
Julia Carmen (14:38):
Exactly. Lisa, that's kind of what we were talking at the pre-recording. We were talking about how I was talking to my sister, hope, which is your other auntie, and I'm just going to interject here, is that what you just shared is so true, and I loved your grandma so much. She was amazing. There was a way when you walked in, when I remember one of the last times I saw her, it was like there was one thing that never changed about her, and that's when you walked into the room, you felt engulfed with love. But I think most of all safe, I felt always safe with her when she was in the room. I'm not kidding. I would just go in and I would go, I would exhale. I didn't know that I was doing that. And that's the other thing I noticed that my brother would do the same thing. Now, your dad, I don't remember him saying a whole lot of kindness to anybody. He always had something negative to say about somebody. I'm just giving it to you straight, bro.
(15:45)
That's probably why he didn't want us to talk story. He thought we were going to smash her, but not, I'm smashing you, bro. But the only two people, I never heard him say anything negative ever. I'm sure he had other people, but when I talked story with him was Caesar Chavez and your grandmother, anytime he said her name or talked about her, it was like he came to life. I saw who he really was, and there was a tenderness about him that I just, whoa. And Caesar Chavez, when he would talk about Caesar, he would just light up. And so then those are two folks that I just went, oh, there's my bro there. He is there. But he would even say things to me sometimes, and I would go, I learned through the years growing up because he was in some ways a lot of our protector. But he was onry too, right? And so I remember as an adult, I would see him or I talk to him on the phone and he'd get all like, and I go, bro, bro, bro. And he'd go, what? And I go, I love you. I love you, I love you. I love you so much. And right away he'd go, okay, Miha, okay, okay, I love you too. Okay, we'll talk some other time. I said, okay, right on.
(17:06)
So I'm just giving you my view. And what we were talking about was that my sister hope, her and I were talking about the childhood is such, it leaves an impression on us, right? mha. And if we don't heal that part of us, then there's just no healing. We just keep, like you said, whatever, it's comfortable and we say, oh, that's normal, but it's not. No. Yeah, I was 16 and a half and that I came to live with my brother when I left. And you were there if you remember that well, right? I knew in my household it was like, oh, no bueno. This is no bueno. No, no, no, no, no. So my brother and your mom, I remember your mom. She was amazing. She just took me underneath her wing. And now you think about it, she was only 28, 29 years old and taking in, yeah, her and her and your dad. We were just 10 years apart. And I thought of her as this big sister, but 10 years is not 28, or no, not even 28. If I was 16, she was 26.
Lisa Hernandez (18:28):
Wow, really?
Julia Carmen (18:31):
We're talking about trauma. Yeah. So what does trauma do sometime for the brain? We'll put it in the show notes and we'll put a link to that video that you posted about Heart.
Lisa Hernandez (18:45):
Oh, iHeart dad. Yeah.
Julia Carmen (18:46):
Yes, because it's very beautiful. It's amazing story in detail, but you shared that about the trauma of what your father went through, and because of that, it does change your brain. And he was never able to get the reading and writing down. So you became his everything.
Lisa Hernandez (19:09):
Yeah, I was his right hand. Every Wednesday was my day with dad, so I had to spend all day with him reading all his longshoreman stuff, any letters or anything that he had going on. And then he was showing me he wanted me. He actually just really wanted to just have me be his secretary. So I'm doing writing out checks, learning how to reconcile bank accounts, and I'm nine years old, eight, nine years old, and I'm just a kid, shit. So that's why people trip out. I didn't know this, but people trip out. They go, wow, you're not afraid of paperwork or piles of, I said, no, just like I go with it. So it could be a trauma, but it could also be a gift. And that's what I try to do, is everything I went through with my dad, I switch it. That's how I was able to survive.
(20:09)
I think we talked about that one time. It was like, how was I able to just keep going forward? And it was because my grandmother, when she taught me the teaching of the, I was 15, 15 when I started really learning about the teachings, and it's called, I call it flipping it. So with everything negative that happened, I learned to flip it into a positive. That's how I was able to go forward and keep going and going and trying to push away the pass, which eventually I did have to come to terms with all that, but that's how I survived, was just turning it into a positive all the time.
Julia Carmen (20:54):
Can you give us an example? I mean, definitely what you're sharing as I'm listening to you thinking, okay, I'm trying to be funny, which it's not going to be funny because I'm trying to be funny, but I'm thinking vacuuming was easy compared to reconciling a bank account. Shit.
Lisa Hernandez (21:10):
I know. Yeah. But see,
Julia Carmen (21:14):
In a bucket,
Lisa Hernandez (21:15):
In my mind though, as a kid, in my mind, they were both what I call taking my time, see the work itself or whatever. I did it, I didn't care. I just was focusing on my time. That's why growing up all the time, I always have this habit of hurrying up and doing all my chores or doing whatever paperwork or anything that I needed to do just to get it done so that I could. So-called in my twisted mind, reward myself for my time, giving myself time. So for instance, when you showed me the vacuuming, I wasn't mad at you. I was like, okay, she's showing me to do it really fast and do it right so that I can get back out to playing outside. I wanted to play outside. I wanted to be with my friends. I wanted to go outside and play.
(22:11)
And here I was kind of stuck in the house. And especially on Wednesdays, I was stuck in the house helping my dad, but also I had to teach him that I wanted to go outside and play. So that's why I organized, even at that young age, in my mind, I'm telling my dad, I can only give you Wednesdays because the rest of the time I want to go outside and play. And if you don't give it to me, then I'm not going to help you. And I know this sounds horrible, but this is how my mentality was in dealing with my dad because I knew he had guns in the house. So I said, if you don't like it, you can just shoot me dead. Okay, I don't care, but I will give you Wednesdays and that's it. So that was the relationship that I had with my dad. Was that, because we had a lot of stuff happening at home, but I always knew the secret on how to get to my dad was to stand up to him and tell him, if you don't like it, you can kill me. And he didn't like that.
Julia Carmen (23:20):
No, that's so interesting, Miha, because that is deep what you just shared. I was just talking to someone yesterday about that whole thing and talking about, because I was getting ready for your show, to be honest. I said, you're talking to my niece and I'm really excited about it, and I just marvel can't, as I'm listening to you, I'm going, shit. So it's circular. What I'm hearing you say is the same thing. That's how I dealt with stuff. Also too, I don't want to make this about me, but I'm just kind of sharing with you how that just keeps going and going. Because the one thing that your grandfather used to say about me and your dad was that I would put up with shit. They admired that, but I don't know about you, Miha, your grandfather used to call me Juan, and if anybody knows who Juan is, she was a kickass revolutionary female.
(24:26)
But he didn't know, and neither did my brother, your dad know that when I used to stand up to them, no matter how small or little or whatever, I was scared shitless inside. I was terrified, but I thought, well, this is the only way I can get where I need to go and get them away from me. With your dad, it was easier to do the love thing. Not my father. No, no, no, no, no, no. I was just kick ass. No, I ain't going to do that. And use that also too, with the gun thing, which is really interesting to go to that dramatic, because you were, I can't even imagine. So you're nine years old, eight years old, or however old you are to take on and you, everything you've shared, I know your grandmother taught you, but what I think of most of the time, what I understand about walking these both worlds at the same time, and that is that she was reminding you of who you be because everything you said, okay, I want to go out and play. Okay, dad. And you understood that in order for him to get the message, you had to go to the extreme of his thinking, okay, that'll get him. I know at the bottom line, he does love me and he doesn't want to lose me, if anything. So he gets his work done. That sounds cruel, but he did love you. I know that for a fact and still loves you. But you were working off, you were working off already what you were sharing, and that is flip it.
Lisa Hernandez (26:20):
Yeah. Well, also, I learned the secret of how to handle my dad, because growing up, and I hope this doesn't hurt your feelings too much, but we grew up with my dad. He was beating my mom and was threatening us, and he was verbally abusive, and we were traumatized from very young. However, by the time I was about seven, eight years old, I was like, I've had enough, because I was tired. I was so tired, of course. And so the last time when my dad put us all in a room and he had the gun, and he's footing it to my head, telling me to sit there, and he was beating my mom, and I'm like, Uhuh this. No, that's it. Something went off in my head and I ran out of the house. I opened the door and I ran out the house, and I just screamed to the neighbors, call the police. My dad's trying to kill my mom. And oh my God, that was like, whoa. And my dad, I remember when the police came and he looked at me with mean face like, I'm going to hit you. And I stood there so strong, and I knew that he was scared of the police. So that's when I learned his weakness. And then the police, they solved it because back then we're talking the sixties, police didn't want to get involved in marital disputes and all that stuff.
Julia Carmen (27:54):
It taught domestic violence. That's what it was. They didn't want to deal with that, something else.
Lisa Hernandez (28:01):
So my mom covered for my dad and said, oh, I had an accident or whatever. And that was the end of it. And then my mom told me, she said, Lisa, you can't be doing this anymore. Because one of the things about my mom was that it was all about appearances, about nobody knowing what was really going on, because they projected we're this happy family and all this perfect stuff. So I was like, no, if he does it again, I'm calling the police. I'm going to tell the neighbors, and that's the way it's going to be. And then what happened was I was able to sneak into their room and I grabbed one of my dad's guns. He used to keep it underneath the mattress. It was loaded. I know an angel was with me. I'm here eight, nine years old, and I'm like taking a gun.
Julia Carmen (28:52):
And I took it
Lisa Hernandez (28:53):
And I buried it in the backyard.
(28:59)
Then my mom, my dad was freaking out and he said, you better give me back my gun. I said, and if I don't, and then he's like, you better give him back the gun. And then my mom was like, Lisa, you can't do this. So yeah, I put my parents to stress, and then this happened. Every time I got access to their room, I would find another gun. He would replace them. And so that's why, I dunno if you remember when I turned when I was 12 and my dad sent me to you, remember? Oh, yeah,
Julia Carmen (29:36):
I remember that. Yeah. I
Lisa Hernandez (29:38):
Remember I turned 13 and he sent me to you. He goes, you better go with your auntie. She's going to straighten you out.
Julia Carmen (29:46):
Oh yeah, right. Funny. You did straighten out. Yeah, I dunno. I was involved in a, I'm not saying organized religions a bad thing, but I was in a one where it was very family oriented. So I think that, but I'm thinking again, I was only 24, 25. It's funny how we're all just raising each other, children raising children. Your mom was 26, 27, and I was 16. It's like, and you didn't hurt my feelings, Chica at all. I think it's important. Some people don't want to talk about all this stuff. And if you are in that healing, I'm not going to say, you know where you be right now and you're in pure love. And the fact that you could move through all this, and I'm hearing your story, and it sounds so similar to mine as I was growing up. Yeah, so definitely your dad picked up his father's, which was my father. Your grandfather's habits.
(30:54)
Lemme see, that's out of my father's script. What do they call it? Out of his, you're talking about being a playwright, right? Yeah. It's out of one of his acts. Act one, scene five. Totally. And I'm, you're me. I'm you. You know what I mean? Oh, I did that. Oh yeah, I remember doing that. And I come back to the love of self and then so on. But wow, man, you go mha, and the power of you is the resilience. And I don't really care to hear resilience because yeah, resilience of children is right on, but I know families where there's a lot of kids and not everybody makes it. And I think that's what you were talking about, your bros. And if they ever hear this, some people just never get out of the pain of the trauma and no shame on them. But it's not easy moving through the path that you've moved through and come back home. People say, oh, you got onto the other side, Julia. I said, I just backed back into myself. I know what is, I know everybody does, but with what you've been through, it can leave an impression. And it's actually a pretty good story to hold onto, to be able to go out in the world and act out. Get what I'm saying? You could use that as a good defense, but that's not how you roll.
Lisa Hernandez (32:35):
Well, it instills this sense of no fear because The Alternative is to die, right? To be killed. That's the alternative. So I learned that at an early age that that's the weapon that I could use against my dad. He wouldn't let whenever he get on my case or he'd try to be all, whatever I said, whatcha going to do, kill me. That was my phrase, whatcha going to do? Kill me. Kill me. Don't talk about it. Do it. Let's do it. Exactly. And by standing up to him, that's why it was very empowering for me. And I guess that's why I think you mentioned one time when you told me about when you heard from my parents how I was able to just move forward, just keep moving forward. And I was doing that because I just had no sense of fear.
Julia Carmen (33:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, what else can death? I mean, I have a different feeling that thought system or whatever about death. To me, it's in the nonphysical realm of being talking story with your parents as where they're at. I call it rebirthing. They both rebirth. They're in a space of being where they don't have human thought anymore, but they definitely remember everybody does. We remember that, which we were part of whatever that was. And your dad's been gone for how long? In the physical realm?
Lisa Hernandez (34:07):
It's going to be 20 years this year.
Julia Carmen (34:10):
Get out of here. No wonder he's moved up in the, my guide, spirit guides, whatever you want to call them. My peeps, I just call 'em peeps. Nonphysical peeps. They hate when they don't hate, but they go, Julia. It's not school. The human realm and the nonphysical realm is not school, but I call it school. But your dad has gone through many different degrees of schooling. No, he's good. He's good. I think that's why your mom was ready to go when she went. However, whatever the conditions in the human realm, why she left. But I think that's why she was ready, because she knew she could handle your dad's energy when she left. She said, okay, I'm good. I can handle this dude now.
Lisa Hernandez (34:57):
Well, she would be in charge because yeah,
(35:02)
Yeah. That's the thing. But also when my mom passed, I was with her, and so she told me that my grandparents, her parents were calling for her, especially her dad, Deon, she a lot, because he was her. All in all, he was it. And he was man. So she told me, she said, Lisa, they're calling me. And I said, well, ma, you can't leave me. What the heck? I got a lot of stuff to deal with here to take care of and you're going to leave me with. That's how I used to get her motivated. I'd say, you can't leave me with your mess. And then she'd say, you can handle it. You can handle it. But that morning or that day, I knew something was up because she always likes coffee. She never refused coffee. And that morning she didn't want anything. And I was like, oh, shoot.
(35:58)
And then a hospice nurse came and she told me, your mom's been ready, but I think she's waiting for someone to say it's okay. She didn't want to tell me. And then I knew it at that moment, I knew, oh, she's waiting for me. She feels guilty because we talked. I was with her the last two years, and she felt guilty because she said, I know I'm leaving you with a mess because of the boys and everything, but I know you can handle it. And I said, yeah, but we have plans. I was trying to keep her alive. I said, ma, we have plans. We're supposed to go to Japan. We're supposed to go places and we need to do stuff. And she's like, no, are calling for me. And I was like, dang. So then that morning or that afternoon, something told me, told the spirits, whoever.
(36:52)
But I know it was her communicating to me that she wanted to go. And I said, you know what? I'm going to play her favorite Johnny Mathis album. And oh, she heard, and she was real happy. Then I just went to her and I touched her hair, like petting her hair, and I held her hand. I said, you know, mom, I know you want to go, so guess what? I said, it's okay. You're a great mom. You did a hell of a good job, and I love you. Yoshino loves you, Manuel loves you, and we're wishing for you a good trip. And it's okay. You can go. And then after that, she squeezed my hand, and then she went like that, her last breath. And then she was gone. She was gone just like that. And I was like, I didn't cry. I was in shock because I was like, dang. She didn't waste no time.
Julia Carmen (37:56):
No, she did not. Your mom always. We always talked about how beautiful and regal and all of that, even more than that, whatever the word, regal, put a whole bunch of different adjectives underneath that because she was and is still this. She's such a lady. Such a lady. And when you let her go, she just went, I call it the Australian Stream, finding Nemo and those hurdles, getting to that stream, Hank Tan man. Oh yeah. She just, and did her thing and met up with her family and her husband, who was not the most, as you say. Yeah, he was not. Yeah, he was one that I definitely carried his burdens with him and definitely shared him with everyone else. Everybody, you all have his pain and suffering, and I'm so happy that he's not there anymore. You hear people say that, oh, they're not suffering anymore.
(39:08)
And that is true to so many different degrees. The thing is, is that I find that sometimes that they leave such destruction, destructions. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Because how I feel about your grandfather, my father, he left so much, my brother and some of my siblings that have not been able to recover from all of that disco core and dis-ease and all that. But it does come to us as humans to look and see. You shared me. Flip it, flip it. It always comes back to love. And I'm not talking about love of having love for your dad or having love for your mom, because I think that's kind of a given at some times. But I'm talking about that unconditional love of self that you have for yourself. You could not have done this mha, Lisa, you could not have done this without having some sense of self and love within self understanding that you are love.
Lisa Hernandez (40:15):
Yeah.
Julia Carmen (40:21):
So how did you do this healing mha? How did you walk this path? How did you constantly remind yourself of who you are?
Lisa Hernandez (40:31):
Well, my grandmother had given me the Truth of Life book. It's the first edition and first book of the Ye, and it's all beat up now. It's old as heck. She gave it to me in 1976. And so in the teachings, they have sutras, holy sutras. So I would read Holy Sutra, and one of the sutras is the main sutra, but that's the one that I would read a lot whenever I was distressed. And I would just hold the book to my chest and open my heart and it would give me a sense of calm. And it gave me strength too. And my grandmother had given me the prayer, it's a prayer for reconciliation. And what you do is you read the, I would read the sutra and then I would read the Prayer for reconciliation, and then I would read the sutra for spiritual healing. And in the spiritual healing one, it starts off as have no fear, keep advancing on the path of life and so on. Anyways, so I always remember that, and I meditated on that a lot. And so that helped me a lot. And Knox, I think I shared and you saw all the testimonies that I had been doing on their YouTube channel. I always focus back on how the teachings helped me and also just having that confidence to just do it. I had this thing be like, Nike, just do it.
(42:13)
It's amazing because every time, and then you have to be receptive to the guidance. There you go. Exactly. Yeah. Because one of the things that we make a mistake about is feeling like we have to control everything. Oh God, yes. At least with me, I feel like, and most people when I talk to them, they go, that's right, because I said, I know it's scary, but you got to have no fear because fear to me is what they call FEAR, false evidence appearing real. That's what I call fear. And I said, don't have any fear. Just do whatever you need to do and the things will fall into place. And if doors close, that's because you're not meant to go down that path. So you figure out something else and you just keep going forward. And with the suture readings, it gave me that sense of confidence that no fear and just God's in charge.
(43:15)
Okay, he's the boss or she's the boss. Because sometimes people, young people, now God or God is, but the universal being who's in charge, and we just need to have that faith that he knows what he's doing. Therefore, just be receptive to the guidance. And when you follow the guidance, things happen and you're going, but later on you get used to it. And then for myself, it's a given. I'm just always receptive to the spirits and also the guidance that I receive, just like what you do, but not as good as you. I just do my thing. But you get that feeling that you just keep going forward because you have confidence that God knows what he's doing and everything's going to work out. And when you have that feeling, it's amazing where it all boils down to having that will to just do it. Because a lot of times in life, people get stopped and they stop because of what fear. And just have that knowing that you're not alone, that God is right with you, or the universal being whoever's in charge, they're with you. So just go for it and do it.
Julia Carmen (44:44):
Exactly. You know what I love about what you just shared, and it's something that I'm listening and I'm going, yeah, you know what? People can read all of that, that you shared the book and hold it tight, but they'll intellectualize it and it's all in their head. And you're going, I've, when I've had students or whatever, they'll go, dah, dah. And I go, yeah. And I've done it too. I've had some of my mentors say, Julia, you're in your head. And I go, because it's what we were talking about. What's familiar. Yeah. What you're sharing, it's it's not intellectual. It is spirit. It's soul, self. Yeah. And that's what you've been doing all your life now. I don't think any human goes unscathed. Yeah. Because our body, even if we don't know, even if we're forgiving and we do all the, and we actually really internalize everything, our body starts collecting.
(45:50)
It keeps score, the body does. So then we have disease in our bodies and things like that, and we go, well, shit, I thought I was taking good care of myself. Well, my body's doing X, Y, and Z. And then it just, for myself, I, I've been really in the past, I've been kind of pissed off at my body. And then I've learned to say, you know what? It's just giving me info. It's just showing me that there's trauma in my body. And it's not about doing work. It's about backing into myself and seeing the love that I have for myself. And that's what I'm hearing. You miha, you've gone, oh, okay. Huh. Fear doesn't help me. How rude. Because fear isn't bad. The thing is, fear isn't bad. It kind of gives us information that we're probably going down, don't go over there kind of deal.
(46:48)
And it sounds like to me, you got the message, oh, fear. I do not want that. I'm going to figure out how not to hang with fear for too long. Which I think it shows that you do understand that home is within yourself connected to the source of the all. And when folks understand that, then your home. But no matter how funky the world gets or how funky your body is talking story with you about this disease or whatever, you're able to go, oh, I had an amazing mentor. His name's James, and something happened to him. I always think back to him because you remind me of this is not what's going to happen to you. But he had something not good happen twice, and it was a random violence. He was at a seven random violence, and he ended up in a wheelchair. And I said, how did that feel?
(47:51)
He goes, I was lying there. And I go, this is honest to goodness truth. He went, well, this is going to be interesting. He said, never once was he angry. Yeah. I kind of thought the guy put you in a wheelchair because the guy was not all there, probably mental health issue. And I thought he was somebody else. And he goes, yeah. I just kind of went, huh, it could be interesting life I'm going to have next. That was it. He said he never felt bad or sorry for himself. Now I knock on what I don't want ever to happen to me or anyone, whatever. But I'm like, I've had things not like that, and I've not had that thought come that pure thought. I call it divine thought. That's a real divine thought. Usually I go into my Spanish big time in my brain, and you don't do that. That's the one thing I've noticed about you, Miha. You do what James did you, oh, this is going to be interesting. I'm not liking this, but I think I'm going to pivot.
Lisa Hernandez (49:01):
Well, yeah. I mean, I've had, in my lifetime, I've had 11 surgeries,
(49:09)
And the majority of 'em was all due to stress because at the time, I used to stressing when I was working with my dad the last time, and all the men before he passed. But I lose it as helping people when they ask me, Hey, especially people that ask me, what about I'm going to have gallbladder surgery? What do you think? I said, oh, and I could tell them because I had that. Or just the other day, one of my friends asked me that about breast reduction. How does that, I said, oh, I've had that too. So
Julia Carmen (49:47):
I had
Lisa Hernandez (49:47):
All these different surgeries so I can help other people what to expect and so forth. And on this earth, I've noticed, especially now after being with my mom and everything is, my mission has always been to help people. And the best way is through example, but also through testimonies and people, they connect with you better when they know that you've been through what they going through. And they feel it. They feel the empathy, they feel, and they trust you. And that's one of the things that I noticed that especially when we were having the shop in Long Beach, a lot of the people would come in and for some reason they'd always just open up to me and talk to me. They felt comfortable and I could tell them, oh yeah, I went to that. I like that.
Julia Carmen (50:40):
Yeah. Well, the key is again, is that at least my experience with you through your life, you never came off bitter or pissed off or angry. If you were angry about something about my brother, your dad or your mom or whatever, it was justified, but you didn't hang out there for long periods of time do you would go, okay, well, I got to go take care of myself over here. I got to go do this and take care of myself because I can't do that over there with them. And I went, you go mha. So it was never like something you hung onto, at least my experience, that you hung onto and said, I'm going to ruminate here and stay here in my pain. Because you just didn't see that as an option, even though your body responded in certain ways. You didn't say, well, this is because of my body is doing this because of blah, blah kind of deal. So I just want to give you, I guess what you folks say a shout out to that this human life can be no bueno. You're like, oh, I'm going to turn it into a bueno. Bueno, bueno, bueno. Did I say Bueno?
Lisa Hernandez (52:00):
Yeah. Well, I was going to share with you, I think you wanted to know a little bit about the Dragon cards, how your cards Oh,
Julia Carmen (52:13):
Yeah. Oh yeah. You got those. Yeah.
Lisa Hernandez (52:16):
Thank you. I don't know if you remember, but I always like to keep notes. I have to keep a log or I keep a calendar and I write down things. So I wanted to share with you, because I heard the one that you did on the Black Dragonfly, but you were very kind when I first purchased, say I purchased the 12 pack first, right? And you sent me the one you sent me, I still have it, the email about how you picked the Crying Dragonfly. You remember that?
(52:57)
Oh yeah, you picked that one for me. And it says, look to the sky. Do you see what I see? The falling Stars are not crying. Make your presence be known to us all. Stay in the awareness of you cry for joy. That's very powerful. It was just a perfect thing. So I was reading the cards, and originally I got the 12 because I thought, oh, maybe it's 12 for you read one once a month. But then I noticed that, oh, you have a 52 card. I said, oh, I could read one every week. And I picked Sundays. But getting back to that, that one was very, very powerful. And I appreciate the message that you sent me because you said that it reminded you of me. So yeah, that was very, very good. I read through all the cards. And the funny thing is that when I got the 52 card one, I don't know if you had this issue, not issue, but this happened before, but in the 12 deck, there was one that was called Black Butterfly, I mean Black Dragonfly, I'm sorry, black Dragonfly.
(54:21)
And I picked that one because I do it randomly. I don't look, I just randomly lay 'em out and I just pick one. I got that one in November when I got the first second parts in November. And it was really interesting because I got that card twice because when I got the old deck, I picked it. And on that day, because I logged down most of the time what I do, and on that day that I picked that first one, it was in the third week of December of last year. And the Black Dragonfly one says, it's okay to move your life in the way you want to be free to show yourself to yourself. And I like that because guess what I was doing?
(55:17)
I grew up, we all grew up in our neighborhoods with predominantly African-American friends. And so I grew up loving soul music. I used to listen to all the Motown, all the temptations, all of them. That was my music. And so I happened to be watching, I just want to share this, one of my favorite actors is Eddie Murphy. And it was so funny that when I picked this card, I was also finishing, I was almost finishing up looking at all the movies that I wanted to see, and it just popped up Axel f Beverly Hills Cop. And I said, oh man, I love those music. And Eddie Murphy is amazing. I love his smile. His character's so funny. He laughs. And I thought, this is so appropriate Black Dragonfly, because it's betting myself, being myself, which is laughing and having fun and watching comedy, because I had been so out of it in the last few years. I needed something to lift me up. And so I was like, wow, that's so powerful. Black Dragon White, but also Eddie. And then when I got the second one, which was, believe it or not, new Year's Eve last year from the new deck. Oh wow.
(56:50)
I think I got that one again. And at that time, could you believe that I was watching the history of Motown, and I just thought, wow, the spirits are amazing, right? Because here I am, getting back into listening my Motown music, and it's symbolism, I guess if you want to call it that, but it was just perfect timing how the Black Dragonfly came. And it was so beautiful because it has, the card is beautiful. It has these gold outline of the wing, and I said, that's gold. That's gold,
Julia Carmen (57:31):
Isn't it? No, I love this. Yeah, I forgot that that was, yeah.
Lisa Hernandez (57:39):
Yeah. So I keep a little journal or my calendar book, and I write down each week which ones I get. And so I just wanted to share that with you. It's very powerful. Those cards are beautiful. I think the packaging was just amazing. I love the box that it was sent in. It has two little birdos on it, and I have the box, and it's so cute. And the bag, the pouch that it came in is absolutely gorgeous. But the cards, I think her name was the one that created Sarah. Was it Sarah that created your cards? Were you the artist,
Julia Carmen (58:23):
Sarah? Yes.
Lisa Hernandez (58:24):
Yeah. She's amazing how she put these together and how you created these cards is just amazing. I guess they're like Oracle cards, right?
Julia Carmen (58:35):
Yeah. Oracle cards are like a generic word for any kind of deck of cards that give you messages from my understanding. And yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Sarah and I spent a long time putting that together, and the dragon flies. They have a mind of their own, Lisa.
Lisa Hernandez (58:57):
Yeah,
Julia Carmen (58:58):
They what? They'll come to you. Yeah, they'll come to you in ways. Every word, every single word was channeled there. Sometimes I would channel one and I'd go, that doesn't F and make sense. And they go, just sit with it.
(59:13)
I said, okay with it. I used to think my dyslexia is kicking. And they said, no, it's got do with your dyslexia. Just sit with it. But out of 52, my editor only, we only had to, maybe she tried to change a couple of them because it, you're talking about a different kind of language, but I think there was maybe two or three out of the 52 where there was a little bit of a language that she changed, not language, but wording or whatever. And the dragonfly said, yeah, that's fine, that's fine. But some of them, she kept changing four or five times, and they go, why does she keep doing that? I said, because she's an editor and it's making her cuckoo.
(01:00:00)
But otherwise, no, they chose the wings. Sarah spent hours and hours and hours just coming up with different designs, and once that we hit the right one, Sarah goes, Hey, how are they liking this? I said, oh, yeah, yeah. Each wing was designed specifically, there was a thing, but the colors, and you're talking about black Dragonfly, there's only I think about 10 that have the gold or the silver running through them. And there were the ones, especially Black Dragonfly, because dedicated to my good friend Jacqueline, she goes, I'd be liking gold. Julia, you better put some gold on that. Yeah, yeah, that's right. That's right. I know. I said, okay, Miha do the gold. Yeah, she loved her gold. Yeah. And I said, okay, mama, you got what you want. Thank you for sharing that. I know that I was talking to Holly today, and I just said, I have this running program on the backside of me, of I, with whatever I produce in the physical realm, but on the backside of the program, the running program is walking both worlds at the same time.
(01:01:21)
And that's exactly what you were talking about, Miha people used to, a long time ago, they said, what you're teaching, Julia, is Buddhism. What you're teaching is Christianity, what you're teaching this? And I said, yes and no, or Taoism or whatever. This is what you're teaching. I try my best not to go into any kind of teachings because I'm human and I'll get influenced. Right? So when I listen to you, I just, when it all, it comes from the source, and then you match your medicine. And that's what I was thinking about you. You found your medicine, and that medicine was talking and is continued from your grandmother that said, Hey, how you be in this world is by understanding there's a physical and a non-physical. And she shared that medicine with you of the truth, not her truth, but of the truth. Yeah. So yours came in through that venue, which is powerful.
(01:02:24)
You heard it. Yeah. Some folks that I talked to, they go, oh, I don't feel this, or I don't feel that, whatever. And I go, well, then go look and find out what it is. They go, aren't you going to teach me that? I said, oh, no, no, no, no. I'm just going to share with you. You're home already. And it's a continuation of remembrance. Yeah. And you're not going to help enlighten me. I said, oh, eff. And no, you're already enlightened. We're all enlightened. But because things happen to us like we've talked about, and they leave an impression on our human system, our nervous system and all that, and it's up to us to move through that in the most graceful way that we can. Well, we're going to close this up. I want to thank you for being on this podcast, the Indigenous Wisdom. This has been a pleasure having you on here, and we definitely will be hearing more about you and from you as time goes on, I'm sure. So yeah. Thank you, Ms. Lisa. Thank you, my niece. Thank you, auntie
Julia Carmen (01:03:34):
Gracias for listening to today's conversation with Lisa. And be sure you're subscribed to our podcast because we're going to be releasing part two of my conversation with Lisa later this summer. We have many more stories to tell. And if you're looking to tune in and take charge of your alma story, I'd love to invite you to join me here at the School with Thought Walls from retreats coming up later this year to one-on-one, Alma Coaching, and lots of support. I'd love to be part of your Soul's Journey. Book a discovery call at theschoolwithoutwalls.net. Let's get this conversation started. Amen.